Sunday, March 3, 2013

"Only God Knows Why"

I've been sittin' here
Tryin' to find myself
I get behind myself
I need to rewind myself...

Country tunes take a time out this week, courtesy of Kid Rock.
 
With the advent of March comes a lot of decisions.  I've had to do a lot if figuring.  There appears to be a place here at GWA for me.  Will I be here for GWA?  A couple of months ago I'd have said no way, but now I believe so.  I'm finally something that resembles comfortable with my job and place, which are not the same thing.  Is international education my future, or should I move forward to the past?  Damned if I know.  Who does?  Wish I knew...

People don't know
'Bout the things I say and do
They don't understand
'Bout the shit that I've been through...

I've brought a lot of things upon myself, leading to where I am in the present.  Some things didn't, and couldn't see them coming.  Either way, it is what it is, and I do not know if I will ever get back to where I used to be.  Is it even possible?  If so, should I even try?  Can I make my own destiny, or is my fate already determined?  Are those last two sentences related or not?  Seems to depend on who you ask...

I've been gone
I've been gone for way too long
And maybe I forgot

All the things I miss...

Spring is springing and with it comes some of the things I cherish most.  The beginning of March means the Philadelphia Flower Show, the oldest and largest such event in the U.S.  Accompanying it are the wisecracks from my male friends.  Hey, I appreciate art in all its forms, including horticulture, especially bonsai.  It's always nice to go down with certain of my friends from Woods and do all the things we always do.  Soon after is the Conwell-Egan Catholic H.S. charity basketball marathon with all the Lower Bucks gang.  Spring training is in full swing; every team is undefeated and has a shot at taking the Fall Classic.  It's always magical under the sun in the Grapefruit and Cactus leagues.  Maybe best of all is March Madness; the first weekend is certainly the very best time of the year.  While I wish to heaven I was going to be home for the PFS and CEC tourney, the thought hasn't been depressing.  I wouldn't have guessed...

Oh, somehow I know
There's more to life than this
You get what you put in
And people get what they deserve...

I didn't even begin to learn what love was until years after my divorce.  Then, what is actually important in life until my 40s.  I had to lose absolutely, positively everything, and then some, to learn just how much I had.  I gambled with my life on nothing more than a hunch, my gut, that I could travel by myself 4000 miles to another continent to finally, after many stumbles, stand stronger than I had in...forever?  What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger?  I'd be lying if I said I had any doubts, for sure...

I've been walkin' that there line
So I think I'll keep a walkin'

With my head held high
I'll keep movin' on...

And only God knows why.
 

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